14 March 2006

Today we will move into a few days on what Walter Brueggemann calls a third zone of covenanting - the othering of self, in "The Covenanted Self."

Now it may sound odd to speak of self as other, because we tend to view self as a unified integrity with a single identity. I shall insist however, that the self is a conundrum of fears, hurts, and hopes that most often are in important ways unsettled, conflicted and under adjudication. And if we do not recognize that they are unsettled, conflicted, and under negotiations, it is likely because we do not know ourselves well enough.
I shall argue that with all of this unresolve and adjudication, we get through the day because we have arrived at some covenantal arrangements, within the self or among the selves, that are often tenuous and provisional, but enough to get through the day.

This almost sounds like the apostle Paul writing about his internal conflicts and how he knows what to do but doesn't do it. One of the most essential aspects of our human personality is that we are not afraid to see how many voices are able to exist within our individual lives. It is as though we are constantly in dialogue and yet all the conversation is taking place without others. So it is fitting that Brueggemann wants to discuss the "othering of self." Some people talk about peeling back layer of an onion as a way of discussing the self. It is meant to show that we are complex beings who cannot be see completely simply by getting to know one layer or one side of our lives. To be quite honest, I find that I carry on an extensive internal dialogue when attempting to move into a new action in my life or take a risk or step beyond a position of comfort. And yes, arrangements are sometimes made between myself and myself. It is not always easy but the dialogue is necessary and I find that over time I change. The arrangements change. My ability to face myself more directly and deal with or expose a dark side becomes part of what brings on a bit of new life.

Connection: So are you able to realize when you are in dialogue with that "other" that is your self? How often does it happen and when it happens, what impact does the conversation have on how well you are able to deal with new situations? By the way, when you carry on an covenantal conversation with yourself, you don't have to move your lips.

Lord, sometimes the most frightening voices we hear can be our own. They can be voices that never bring us peace. They can also be voices that pull us into your ways - voices we resist and voices we slowly learn to engage in meaningful dialogue. Encourage us when we must face ourselves even when it is in the simple exercise of prayer. Amen.