Uncovering Joy – Going the Wrong Way
“While Peter was still speaking, the Holy Spirit fell upon all who heard the word. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astounded that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles, for they heard them speaking in tongues and extolling God. Then Peter said, „Can anyone withhold the water for baptizing these people who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?‟ So he ordered them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they invited him to stay for several days.” Acts 10:44-48
Within the mix of the city - within the routine - within the patterns that we often think keep us on track - within the movement of those around us - within the movement of images and ideas whipping along through our heads, comes the Reign of God. We are often taught that the Reign of God will be visibly among us in the shape of justice and peace and forgiveness and reconciliation that is radically present. That is indeed the case. It is a surprising presence. It is also a presence that comes with hard work. Working for justice is a journey that is long and one that is filled with consequences for everyone. Making peace is ongoing. Peace and nonviolence is the life that comes from every breath. It is a life that will not let brokenness prevail but will seek the healing and welfare of all.
It is always a joy to see people who are profoundly shaped by the character of the Reign of God. They live on an edge and are able to resist the temptation to jump back onto ground that may appear to be more stable – more guarded. We have all had contact with such people. They speak up when a voice is needed to pull a room back to the vision. They are the ones who are able to bring an analytical mind into a situation but do not let the analysis rob the moment of the power of life that comes among us when such a living analysis is able to change our direction and open wide the path of God’s Reign among us.
I‟m not a wonderful participant in meetings. Too often it takes me so long to process the discussion jumping up around the table that I am continually a few steps behind the movement in the room. Therefore, an opening comment for me tends to be, “Can we return to...” It is as though the Spirit brings together so many gifts it is often difficult to savor them and let them find a place to rest within my heart. Though this can be frustrating it is also a blossoming arena of joy. Sometimes I must simply smile. I’m content to do that. It is as though others in the room are filling my cup and it is overflowing onto the table and making a real mess. The mess is good. This mess is a time of meditation. The meditation is drawn up into the stream of thought - the disagreements – the affirmations – the clarifications – the modifications – the brilliance of others who can see beyond my seeing and place words to their vision. Most often, my smile is inward – a chuckle of joy at how blessed I am to be alongside others on a common adventure.
I remember being at a meeting at church with a group of our GLBT saints in the congregation. We had been an openly welcoming congregation but it was primarily centered on those who were gay and lesbians. At this meeting, we all agreed that we somehow had not pressed for the sincere and visible welcome of all those letters – G – L – B – T, and the gift of life given to each person who comes into our congregation. If spirituality is an uncovering of joy, I was not able to enter into the depths of that joy – that spirit of life. I immediately tried to be the ‘every-person’ in the congregation. My mind was cluttered with what could not be. I only heard and then I became - the voice of excuses - fears - unstated expectations - responses to others not in that room. I missed the moment by being in another time and place rather than listening to the voices around me in that room.
In the middle of that room I simply backed down. I said “No.” I didn’t know enough about what it was to be bi-sexual and was anxious about how this move would be received by others in the congregation. I took the protective role of the status quo and said this additional step would never fly. I thought we were moving the congregation beyond their original intention...blah...blah...blah. The meeting came to a close and everyone went home. I wandered back to my house. I realize I was broken-hearted. We had the opportunity to openly consider that which was not yet available to us, and I stopped conversation – drew boundaries on who and what would be a part of the Reign of God in our place and time. I did not take the opportunity to uncover the joy in that room. There was no openness to be drawn beyond myself – no willingness to be surprised by joy.
The beauty of an urban spirituality is that we can be so connected to one another that our time of meditation and contemplation is extended to include others when wounds are fresh and insights tickle us or pull at our hearts. By the end of the evening I made a phone call and asked for another meeting – next week. I had been an ass. I had given up who I was for what others would say or do - and all of that was the product of an anxious heart. Sometimes it helps to be so close and so within reach of others that we can act now to bring about something new even in the face of anxiety. Confession can take place without waiting. Repentance is able to be a part of the journey of uncovering joy with a simple call or e-mail or visit.
Most of the people present at our first meeting were present the next week to uncover what was taking place among us. I knew something had to change but was not sure how to deal with my actions and voice of the previous week. In some ways, the room became a confessional. The confessional was a mutual conversation. The conversation unveiled that which was outside my world. My world was transformed by the wisdom in the room and the forthright sharing of those who knew more joy than I did. It is often this kind of wandering through the week of ministry in a city context - with its issues and needs - that continues to tap me on the shoulder so that I will recognize the presence of God’s Reign in the middle of the fears and anxieties and prejudices that we too often call home – a home we never leave.
Urban spirituality is one in which the Holy Spirit acts - now. The Spirit is so available to us that sitting back and letting things unfold at a later time seems a waste of time. When so many lives are passing around us and walking with us and confronting us throughout the day, the Holy Spirit mixes it up with us. Within the diversity of people with whom we move, we are invited to look again at all things – our own lives – our way of looking at others – those who are not at all like us – the noises that turn our head because they are strange – the sights that contradict what we would expect in life. Urban spirituality involves a degree of utter surprise. Often it reminds me of the old program ‘candid camera.’ We are constantly given the opportunity to catch ourselves in the act of being ourselves. That can be a brutal discovery. It can also be the door that opens us to another way of being who we are. Sometimes it is an in-your-face dilemma that demands our attention or at least the recognition that something has taken place that may have the power to change the day.
One day I was walking on the indoor track at the Jewish Community Center. The protocol on the track is that the direction of traffic changes from day to day. It not only cuts down on the sense of monotony while walking or running, it also makes your body deal with the tilt in the track around the bends. I was intentionally wired to my headset so that I would walk my way through an album. This frees me up from watching the clock. It also opens up the walk to a bit of surprise - sometimes I’m done with my walking before I expect to be.
Coming around the bend of the track I noticed that an elderly woman was standing in the area that people use to stretch out or simply take a rest. I thought I needed to be mindful of her because when I am speed-walking, people tend not to hear me coming up behind them. I have had a few people become startled as I pass by. On my next lap around the track she was also walking on the track – but in the wrong direction!
Internally I laughed and passed by her. We exchanged glances. As I came around on the next lap I slowed down, took off my headset, and asked which way we were to be walking. I wanted to be as polite as possible as I hopefully sent the message that she was going the wrong way. She didn’t catch what I said so I said, “It’s Tuesday, which way are we supposed to be walking?” She said, “It’s Wednesday.” Realizing I was the one going in the wrong direction, I turned around and started walking in her direction.
On the next lap, she was waiting as though she wanted to talk to me. I slowed down with a big, embarrassed smile on my face and stopped to hear what she wanted to say. In a thick Eastern European accent she said, “You must be in heaven...you don‟t even know what day it is.” I returned the laughter and then continued on my way. Within moments, what she said cut me to the heart. I must be in heaven. Yes, I was...and she was my guide who was helping me get along the way. My whole day was put in perspective. I am walking in the Reign of God. It is not some time to come and it is not a place we will enter. Heaven – the Reign of God – is this journey in which we will find ourselves going in the wrong direction and laughing about it as we come to see the need to change directions and carry on.
Several laps later, she was resting by the drinking fountain and I stopped and told her that what she said to me was the most wonderful thing anyone has said to me and it has made my day special. I thought my comment would be easy to share, but my eyes became brimful. She smiled and thanked me because she said she rarely sees a man filled with emotion and willing to share it. There I was going in the wrong direction and yet when the paths of people intersect we are mutually blessed. This is the realm of urban spirituality. We are invited to walk into heaven on the wrong day and going in the wrong direction and being surprised by God‟s laughter in the face and voice of an immigrant who is very aware of the fact that we are all aliens walking through God‟s Reign.
TRRR
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